2003-01-30 - 10:09 p.m.
I tried to get on here earlier. I needed to bitch, whine, moan...have an all-out temper trantrum that shook (did i spell that right?) houses and scared my friends. Then my roomate came home and I pretended to be happy. I still don't think she needs to see me like that. She'll never sleep with her eyes closed again. Then I went to dinner...hung out and had some good convos with april about real and funny stuff. And on my way back to my room, got stopped in the middle of the road by my station manager (he was in a car) who asked if i'd be willing to do an interview on tuesday morning with the sun journal. *beaming with great and unadultured pride* I had a good long catching-up talk with sarah too. So instead of my bitching (which i still may do, in a less-scary way...) you all get to read happy thoughts. :) And thats a good thing. Especially since its quarter past 10 on a thursday night and im home alone with nothing to do and happy about it. haha.
I'm good though, when i don't analyze my life so closely. The station is coming together for me a little better...I've got a whole side of me through the door and they aren't shoving me out, so thats good! I may never make it to exec board while im here (hopefully just another semester) but i havent worked four semesters for nothing!!! I still am in the play, even if it's not where I want to be. I kinda need to get over my whole "center of attention" thing anyway and learn to live in the background. Im such a selfish little brat sometimes....lol. And I should be able to transfer with little to no problem. I just need to tell my dad this weekend what i want, and then have evrything finalized by the time feb break rolls around. I'm scared, but im happy about it!
I don't want to go into detail too much....I'm afraid ill just get angry again or jinx myself...I'm doing ok though. Getting it going and all. Going out with some fly girls on valentines day, to strut our single and some of their not-so-single selves all around town. I'm excited! I'm also happy to be single still. :) After all this time I know I have really grown ALOT and while I am trying to find my way still...im at least looking for possibilities in life, rather than settling on the easiest way. (besides that class i dropped today...but we wont talk about that..) I dont count army-boy as a time when i was not single. because counting him would be like saying you were in love with every person you've ever kissed. and thats just dumb. lol. i dont know how it works like that...but it does. but yeah, im glad to be single and im glad ive CHOSEN to stay that way. i talk about boys too much and get messed up with their lives sometimes...but im getting better! kind of...come on now! give a girl a break here! lol.
Earlier today I was convinced my life was just one big disapointment. (oh, i really spelled that word wrong...) One after another after another...But now....not so much. With the bad comes, well, sometimes even more bad...but eventually you get the good. And good happened today more than the bad when i figure it all out. And THATS what is importent. right? When I get real, i wanna slap my little loser-selfpity self around. lol. sometimes i can just be the biggest nerd...
I'm good now though. Still happy. WAiting for my silly roomate to come back. She had me in tears last night I was laughing so hard. *sigh. I'm so glad I have a cool roomate. :) Even if she does make fun of my gir slippers. WHICH ARE THE COOLEST THINGS EVER BY THE WAY! hhahha. yeah...well, i have psych homework. just wanted to let a little air loose in this crazy head of mine. ill bitch later. you just get ready.
